Are You Loco?: The Great LocoMoco Shootout

Me:"My name is Kirk, and I'm a Loco-holic"
Group: "Hel-lo Kirk"
Me:"I've been secretly munching on Moco's over the last four months, and have almost been caught with gravy on my breath several times....."

Actually, the Loco Moco, along with Portuguese Sausage, Eggs, and Rice are my breakfasts of choice. I really don't usually eat a very large breakfast, but when I decide to have a hearty breakfast (usually breakfast and lunch), the Loco or PCE&R are what I choose. For those who don't know what a Loco Moco is; in it's most basic form a Loco Moco is Rice, Hamburger Patties, Easy-over, or Sunny Side up Eggs, covered in gravy. Tabasco, or some other hot sauce is used to complete the dish. It's origins are much debated, but is believed to have originated in Hilo around 1949.

One day while sitting to get a haircut, I was reading one of those Car Magazines, you know the ones; they compare exotic cars that we could never afford, 500 horse power with a sticker price in 6 digits..... When it came to me. Instead of the great Porsche versus Ferrari Shoot-out, I'll do the Great Loco Shoot-out!  Instead of torque and horsepower, I'd do gravy and rice! The ideas that come to you when you're waiting to get dead cells trimmed off your body! So I decided to compare 5 Loco's; 4 Domestic, and one imported, and even two of the same "model".

Of course I needed a way to measure the Loco's. So I decided on the "Modified Rubio Scale", originally developed by James "Da' Lord of Loco" of Big Island Grinds. The original Rubio Scale measured each item on the Loco, I decided to take the "base" items, the Burger, Gravy, Egg, and Rice. To this I added "Stuffs", that include macaroni salad, Spam, or any other item that comes with the Loco. All items are graded on a scale between 1 through 5, with 2.5 being average.

So before I have to donate my arteries to Medical Science, let's get started:

LOCO#1: HAWAIIAN ISLAND BARBECUE

*** HIB has closed

BURGER: Standard pre-formed mass produced patty, not dry though - 2.0
EGGS: Cooked almost perfectly, edges crisp, yolks intact, not seasoned - 4.0
RICE: Average, slightly mushy, but ok - 2.5
GRAVY: Nice color and texture, but no taste, not seasoned - 2.5
STUFFS: Macaroni Salad, too much mayo and no salt - blah - 2.0

TOTAL: 13 points for what I consider to be a below average Loco($6.39), luckily I had alot of Tabasco! Also shows how one really good item, in this case the egg, can bring the Loco rating up.

LOCO#2: RUTT'S CAFE - LOS ANGELES *** Update, Rutt's Cafe has closed

BURGER: Handmade, well seasoned, onions and green onions, make a good burger - 4.0
EGGS: Cooked perfect, crisp edges, nice runny yolk, I'd even say soft in texture. - 4.5
RICE: Well cooked - 3.0
GRAVY: Lumpy and too light, taste was ok - 2.0
STUFFS: Macaroni salad, good mayo, but flavored with relish, yuck. Didn't know what to do with the dinner roll - 1.0

TOTAL: 15 points for an above average Loco($6.35) for our one "import" model (from Los Angeles) previously posted on  July 18th. A good example of how one or two weak links can bring a "good" Loco down.

LOCO#3: L & L HAWAIIAN BARBECUE - COLLEGE AREA

BURGER: Premade, but actually seasoned, not dry, doesn't taste like cardboard for a change - 2.5
EGGS: Totally average, no crisp edges - mediocre - 2.5
RICE: Average - 2.5
GRAVY: Pretty good flavor, I know it's packaged, or whatever, but savory - 3.5
STUFFS: Somebody remembered their salt shaker today! Nice amount of Mayo, I thought it was pretty good - 3.0

TOTAL: 14 points is about as good as I think a Loco($6.39) can be at one of these Hawaiian Barbecue places, maybe another point if the eggs were done better!

LOCO#4: DA KINE'S 

*** Da Kine's has closed

BURGER: Grilled nicely, but tasteless, and dry, dry, dry - 2.0
EGGS: Yolks overcooked and solid, otherwise average - 2.0
RICE: This was a shocker, Dakine's always has mushy rice, except this time - well cooked - 3.0
GRAVY: Nice and dark, but tasteless, and not enough of it - 2.5
STUFFS: Macaroni salad; you'd think with all the carrots and celery, this salad would have some taste - but noooo, very bland. Why is everybody afraid of salt? 2.5

TOTAL: 11.5 What a disappointment. When I first opened the take-out container, my first thought was, "where's the rest of my Loco($5.75)?". Almost looks like 1/3 of the Loco is missing!

LOCO#5: L&L HAWAIIAN BARBECUE - SPORTS ARENA LOCATION

BURGER: Well seasoned, pre-formed burger, moist - 2.5
EGGS: I don't know if you can see it, but there are brown bits all over the egg. The main cause of this is that the frying surface was not cleaned or scraped after the last item was cooked. Threw off the taste of the eggs, and who likes biting into "mystery bits"? - 1.0
RICE: Actually very well cooked, you could count the grains of rice - 3.0
GRAVY: Too light, and not well flavored - 2.0
STUFFS: Somebody forgot the salt shaker when they made the macaroni salad, and too much mayo - 2.0

TOTAL: 10.5 Just goes to show, that all of these L&L's are not created equal. Funny thing is that this location is right next to a Starbucks, which I thought was so appropriate, being that L&L's are taking over the world!

Just in case you're not tired of Loco Moco's yet! Here's a menu with my Fantasy Loco Moco, would it be a 25 pointer? Who knows, I'll let you know when I go back home for vacation. Reid's got a few Loco Moco posts on Ono Kine Grindz. Want to see a nice homegrown Loco? Santos has one on his fine site The Scent of Green Bananas.

Alright, time to go, I'm feeling like an unemployed Sumo Wrestler after writing this. What did I have for dinner tonight? Cold Tofu! Man, I need a shower.......

Comments

[Reid]

Hi Kirk,

I've actually eaten quite a number of loco mocos. All of yours seem to be let downs. The biggest let down for me was the one at Like Like because there was no taste to the gravy.

Here are some other loco moco posts for you...

Like Like's loco moco:

http://onokinegrindz.typepad.com/ono_kine_grindz/2005/02/like_like_drive.html

The no longer offered mahi loco moco at You Hungry?:

http://onokinegrindz.typepad.com/ono_kine_grindz/2004/05/you_hungry.html

[Kirk]

Hi Reid - I've had the Loco at You Hungry and didn't really think it was that good - but I used to like Likelike, too bad they seem to have gone downhill.
Actually Loco#3 is good enough for one of these Hawaiian BBQ places, and the burger from Rutt's was very good. That one from Karen's looks like a Hamburger Steak - there's no egg? I'm looking for the perfect Loco - do you think the one at the Pineapple Room would be a '25'!

[Jo]

Man, I nearly rolled out of my chair when I read this part at the begining, "Me:"I've been secretly munching on Moco's over the last four months,"

You see, I'm half Spaniard. In Spanish, "mocos" are the putty like substance one procures with one's digits from one's olractory orafice. ::snickering:: I hope you understand my drift. I just couldn't bring myself to be crude. ROTFL

[clare eats]

Hi Kirk
There isn't even a chance of having one here! *sigh* Maybe I need to get off my lazy arse and make one? How about a how to do loco tutorial ala vegemite toast?

I do know this though, I would not be impressed with crappy macaroni salad or bad gravy!

Is the gravy homemade or packet shite?

I love this idea though Kirk!!!
I think you need a post on salad though, how much rocket and balsamic do you eat?

[Rachel]

I must be in heaven cause I think I that looks like my dream dish ! (sorry I don't mean you kirk :oP) I love any dish with copious amounts of gravy involved. That first pic you took looks divine ! And like you, I love my eggs slightly runny and my burger patties lovingly produced and juicy.mmm you can definitely forgive the lack of greenery in this dish.

I know what you mean about doing somthing boring like like reading or drilling someones teeth and suddenly, being hit by a craving that gets bigger and bigger until you can almost taste it.... ahhh

Jo, I almost rofl reading about what moco was. I might ask Juan, my boss who is spanish about it *snicker*

[RONW]

I, myself, tend to avoid dishes of this reputation on restaurants' menus, because frequently you end up eating hype only, due to the kitchen personnel bungling the original formula. Especially with the case of the gravy for this dish, if the take-out restaurant's staff can't be depended upon to whip up decent gravy, then the restaurant owners should stock pre-canned gravy instead, to not tarnish the regional origins.

[Jo]

Hey Rachel, ask him if he would buy a car called "Nova". Chevy tried to market it but "No Va" means "Won't Go". OPPS! I'm totally with Ron on the gravy issue. I tried to LocoMoco at Rainbow Drive Inn when I was there. I was not as impressed with the gravy as I thought I should have been. Is there an official "formula" of some sort?

[Kirk]

Hi Jo - I knew that would get snickers - one of the Girls I worked with in Downey,CA told me what it meant, when I mentioned this dish.....

Hi Reid - Done per your request - but I'll add Karen's to my list for my trip back home, whenever that may be!

Hi Clare - It's really just simple food! You can be as simple or as fancy - check the link to the Pineapple Room, as you want. And most of these places use packaged or condensed stuff - it can still be ok. BTW check out Santos's homemade Loco!

Hi Rachel - I think you get the point!

Hi RONW - Ah the Burger from Rutt's, the gravy from #3 though it's canned, and a good macaroni salad - and I'd be satisfied.

Hi Jo - Actually, that's why the No-Va didn't sell in Central and S. America. I hope you didn't expect a "white" gravy on your Loco? Package/canned gravy aside - it's a simple dish, you think somebody could put it all together. BTW, I love Rainbow's, but not the Loco.

[clare eats]

package gravy? BA HUMBUG!

[clare eats]

Jo isn't Pajero just as bad ? LOL!

[Kirk]

Hi Clare - LOL!

[MEalcemtric]

AWESOME POST! Great! I've been hooked on the idea of loco moccos since I read a couple of blogs you linked (ono kine grindz and big island grindz). Man, those plates sure do look good. And you know me, its all about the egg (crispy on the outside, runny in the middle).
I'm going to swing by my local L&L and get my first one. Then maybe go home and tinker with the recipe to make it better. Now go hit the gym, your arteries need to be cleansed.

[Kirk]

Hi Mealcentric - I hope you get the eggs done like you like 'em. I knew I'd be getting some comments about my arteries...I actually started collecting photo's and notes about 3 weeks before I started in May - so I've had 5 loco's in 20 weeks - about 1 a month, so I've had a bit of recovery time between each one! But a little more "gym time" wouldn't hurt!

[MEalcemtric]

Kirk, how would you descibe the "gravy"? Is it similar to the gravy we get at thanksgiving ("we" meaning the general public). The only thing stopping me from making this at mi casa is knowing that the gravy should taste like. Thanks

[Kirk]

Hi Mealcentric - It should be a "brown" beef-style gravy - like what goes on a Hamburger Steak, it's not turkey gravy. It's not hard to make it at home - it's just sometimes I'd rather spend the 6 bucks than fuss with making the burger, blah, blah ,blah...If you make it at home - throw some sauteed onions in there!

[Dylan]

Kirk, nice detailed review on LocoMoco's. Unfortunately, i've only tried 2 places in LA. L&L (West Covina) and Shaka's (Montebello). i'll be in hawaii next month, can you give me a lowdown on the top LocoMoco places?

[Kirk]

Hi Dylan - You can't go wrong with Zippy's, haven't been back home in years - but I always enjoyed Rainbow Drive-In, but like all the stuff there - esp Teri Beef Sandwich and mixed plate with gravy all over!
Reid - From Ono Kine Grindz recommends Karen's Kitchen, and I trust his palate:

http://onokinegrindz.typepad.com/ono_kine_grindz/2005/08/karens_kitchen_.html#comments

Though it's only a Hamburger Steak in his post - can you imagine that with two easy over eggs on it! I also liked Likelike Drive-In, but Reid didn't like it! I'm assuming you're on Oahu, right? BTW, you can always go for Alan Wong's Pineapple Room Loco - $13.50!

[Kirk]

Hi Dylan - Make sure you check out Reid's site Ono Kine Grindz, he's been to all the places I've been to, and more, since many of mine have closed down!

http://onokinegrindz.typepad.com/ono_kine_grindz/

I could scare you with Bert's Cafe - but I won't!

[kyle]

Kirk,

Found your site via link from Reid's. Damn, you could go broke eating loco moco in S.D. I noticed alot of the "chain places" use that generic pre-made hamburger patty. That pretty much is a moco killer!

[James]

Kirk, this post is hilarious!! This is the most locos i've seen in one post.. I think you set a new record.

Man, we really do need to start a loco-holics anonymous group. Very nice post with great pics. If you ever get to Hilo, we really gotta do an all day loco moco binge.

I also love my eggs a bit runny... and gotta be sunny side up.

The Rubio scale measuring system? How flattering!